Little Conversations Read online

  © 2013, Sibylla Matilde

  [email protected]

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the Sibylla Matilde.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. With the exception of the original material written by the author, all songs, song titles, and lyrics contained in this book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

  To my husband, my hero, my savior… my very own Ronin.

  And to my smut sisters. I’d have never written this down without you.

  Summary

  Eighteen-year-old Devin McKay is a complete and total emotional wreck. Fresh out of high school and on her own for the first time in her life, she’s reeling from rejection of a relationship gone very, very bad. Emotionally battered and tormented by the pull of her narcissistic first love, she wants to make a clean break in a small mountain town where he is everywhere—with his new girlfriend.

  Ronin Andrews is still battling his own cataclysmic ghosts. He recoils from anything heartfelt, choosing instead to work hard and live wild. Outside of his job, parties and causal hooks-ups are his life until Devin walks in. With her short skirt and her sad green eyes, he can’t help but want her… badly. His protective streak wants to provide her with a haven, to shelter and sustain her.

  Through a flash of torrid intensity, they struggle to be friends… just friends. She relies on him to nourish her shattered soul and shield her heart from the clawing, gnawing loss that has consumed her. Before long, the attraction proves too tenacious, and the passion between them becomes undeniable. But will the shadows of the past prove too much to overcome?

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1 – Quarters

  Chapter 2 – An Ending and a Beginning

  Chapter 3 – I can’t!

  Chapter 4 – Little White Towel

  Chapter 5 – Hero

  Chapter 6 – Kim

  Chapter 7 – A Genuine Illusion

  Chapter 8 – Bar IX

  Chapter 9 – Orion the Hunter

  Chapter 10 – Late Night Visit

  Chapter 11 – Barroom brawl

  Chapter 12 – Not Okay

  Chapter 13 – What the fuck!?

  Chapter 14 – Emotional hangover

  Chapter 15 – Don’t Pull Back

  Chapter 16 – Different

  Chapter 17 – A Beautiful Day

  Chapter 18 – A Wild Goodbye

  Chapter 19 – What was that?

  Chapter 20 – He’s Free

  Chapter 21 – Escape

  Chapter 22 – Liar

  Epilogue

  Music that inspired the story

  Devin’s Cosmo Drink Library

  About the Author

  Prologue

  The seagulls flocked along the sandy beach, their cries echoing along the bluffs overlooking the ocean. Tide was coming in, and the pounding surf swallowed some of their mournful resonance as fingers of water reached out to grasp their little birdie feet. With a nimble dance between the waves, they picked through the kelp strewn about on the sand below. In the distance, far out beyond the tumbling surf, a faint occasional whale spout would shoot upwards from the horizon as the pod of blue whales headed up the coast. Heavy, drab clouds somberly gave rise to the thick, salty-gray air.

  So far away from Montana. Away from him.

  It had been two weeks since she’d seen him. The light dancing in his hazel eyes. His heart-stopping, teasing smile. The soft caress of his voice as he breathlessly whispered her name… Dev.

  Two weeks since she’d touched him. Since she’d been enveloped in his strong arms, safe and protected. Since she’d been lulled to sleep by the steady beat of his heart.

  Devin once again felt the tears prick at her eyes. What the fuck was she going to do now?

  Chapter 1 – Quarters

  The gleaming quarter thunked right past its target glass of beer… and landed in Ronin’s pocket.

  Devin McKay was really bad at this game. Ronin, Joe, and Shane, on the other hand, were all really quite good and had obviously perfected their technique over the years. She really should have steered clear like Amy and Joanie had so astutely done, but she never claimed to be street smart. Quite the opposite, actually. And she was proving that tonight.

  It seemed every quarter the guys bounced across the table made a perfect little splash into the glass of beer. But it seemed every quarter Devin bounced made a perfect little ping on the floor. Or a soft pat on someone’s shirt. Hell, one even managed to land with a plunk in Ronin’s kitchen sink clear across the room. And, with each tiny splash of beer, all fingers pointed at Devin to drink. With each ping or pat or clink, Devin drank again. Before long, she was really quite bombed.

  Ronin’s hazel eyes crinkled as he smiled and pushed the glass again in Devin’s direction. “Drink up, sweetheart.”

  Good Christ, she thought to herself in an intoxicated daze. He’s a really fucking beautiful man. Broad shoulders and a strong jaw. A smile that had panties dropping all over town. And right now, he was smiling at her.

  Oh my goodness…

  He nudged the glass a smidgen closer, shaking her from her moment of stupor. A stubborn fire lit inside her, and she shot him a feisty look that only made his grin widen. After fortifying her brave face, Devin took a deep breath and downed the beer, throwing a challenging expression back at Ronin as she slammed the glass back down on the table. With a laugh, Ronin refilled the glass, pulled the quarter from his pocket, and took careful aim.

  Splash!

  Perfect shot.

  Devin watched the little bubbles rise from the quarter as it settled in the bottom of the glass. As she looked up at Ronin, he smirked and leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table with his jaw in the palm of his hand.

  “Me?” she mumbled. “Me again?”

  Ronin nodded with a chuckle.

  Oh yes, she was fading fast.

  That was the point in tonight, though. In coming to this party to hang with a bunch of people she didn’t know very well. They didn’t know her history. They didn’t know what an idiot she’d been for the past year or more.

  Even though nothing was really private in a small town like this, the high school kids rarely mixed with the twenty-somethings. But, the newly graduated seniors were beginning to infiltrate this somewhat older crowd. Amy had been bugging her brother, Shane, for months to let her come to one of Ronin’s legendary parties. As a big brother, he’d obviously been reluctant, knowing the shit that went on there. But after a great deal of pleading and pouting by his baby sister, he had finally relented. He said he’d keep an eye on her and her friends, but warned them that they should be on their best behavior. He didn’t want to have to beat the shit out of the other guys.

  Devin had only recently begun to really hang out with Joanie and Amy, only since Jake had ripped her heart to pieces… again. She’d met them at high school keggers Jake had taken her to over the past couple years. Staying mostly in on the sidelines because of his admonishments, she’d admired their outgoing natures from afar. Until that hot July evening a few weeks ago when Jake had said it was over. Desperate to forget, to move on, Devin began to accep
t their invitations, to join them in their free-spirited antics. And here she was.

  Tonight, though, was no high school party. This was something else entirely, a whole new level of excess. It bordered on hedonistic. It was exactly what Devin needed to get her mind off Jake, to forget the frustration and loneliness of knowing who was in town.

  Ronin’s house was the perfect setting to throw caution to the wind, to surrender to the vices around her. He lived alone on the outskirts of town and didn’t have any neighbors that lived too close-by. His cabin sat back in dense stand of trees and bushes which provided camouflage when things got a little overly rowdy. He was a twenty-four-year-old single guy who didn’t really seem to care much for decorating. No pictures on the walls, not even neon beer signs. Not much to worry about getting destroyed. He had a serviceable couch and an armchair, both of which had seen their share of spilled beer and God knows what else. In the kitchen was a sturdy table and chairs. Aside from the big flat screen on his wall and the Blu-ray and stereo on a shelf in the corner, Devin hadn’t really seen anything else. Well, he probably had a bed, but Devin tried really hard not to think about Ronin in a bed. The mental image alone lit her imagination and made her sweat.

  So, here she sat at Ronin’s table trying to bounce quarters into a short little glass of beer. Knowing she had Shane as a protector in the midst, Devin was determined to drink into oblivion. She had every intention of throwing them back until she blacked out. To really go on a bender. The loud music, a mix of eighties and nineties, reverberated through the small house, and Concrete Blonde shredded in the background about the realities of love, The Beast that would ‘painfully pick you apart.’

  Through the music came the sound of the front door opening and closing. Someone called from the living room, “Hey Jake! Melanie!”

  The blood drained from Devin’s face, her confident smile disappeared, and her heart lurched painfully.

  “Excuse me…” she mumbled under her breath as she pushed away from the table and stumbled out the back door.

  Outside, the cool mountain air soothed the blush of heated embarrassment coursing through her cheeks. She rubbed her temples with her fingertips in an attempt to stem the unwanted tears that threatened. GOD! Why? Why is he here? Jake has never come to Ronin’s parties. So why is he here now? Why is he here with her?

  Devin needed to get out of there. She was pathetic enough as it was. She certainly didn’t need the whole party to witness her humiliating breakdown. She was horribly close, could feel the dam about to burst. She started edging around the yard, lit only by the faint light streaming through the kitchen window. She saw the gate—an escape route. She’d just walk home. Nobody would likely even know she had left.

  The back door opened and Ronin stepped outside into the darkness.

  “You okay?” he asked as he came down the back stairs from the kitchen.

  Damn! Devin took in a deep breath, trying to work up a somewhat normal voice. From her vantage point, she could see a little of the merriment through the window. The quarters were still clinking on the table as new participants filled the chairs Ronin and her had just vacated. After a moment, she swallowed hard and whispered back to him in a small, stilted voice. “Yeah, I’m fine…”

  He walked over to her and looked at her a little closer, studying her for a moment. He was a big, rugged guy, tall with broad shoulders, and her own little five-foot two-inch frame felt dwarfed by him. But as her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she saw a genuine concern in his expression. His mouth twisted in a grimace. “If it’s any consolation, Jake’s an ass. Don’t know him too well, but I’ve never liked that little fucker.”

  Devin wasn’t sure why he was outside with her. She barely knew him, had only met him tonight, although she’d heard of him before. Ronin and his friends were legendary at the high school. These guys had grown up, but still lived a raucous life in this small town. A few kids had older siblings who’d gone to school with them, and stories floated around the halls about the wild parties they’d had way back when. That they continued to have even now.

  And he was a bit older than her, even though she was kind of used to being one of the youngest in the group. Devin had just turned eighteen a week after graduation. She was the youngest in her class, always the last to reach milestones. She’d been the last to get her driver’s license. She’d never even voted, only submitting a mock ballot when almost all the other seniors went to the polls.

  But, here was Ronin. The Ronin Andrews. Standing outside with her in his yard, telling her he always thought Jake was an ass. Nobody, aside from Amy and Joanie, had ever spoken ill of Jake to her. Jake was one of the most popular guys at school, and it was social suicide to shun a small-town celebrity like him. She only had twenty-eight kids in her graduating class, and almost every one of them idolized Jake. He was like a monarch, a regent—revered and worshipped.

  But Ronin was right. He could kind of be an ass. She just wasn’t used to anyone else seeing it but her. Not even Amy and Joanie knew the full extent of her torment. They wouldn’t understand why she kept running back when he called. Why she hoped and wished and dreamed. Nobody would understand. Sometimes even Devin, herself, failed to.

  She smiled sadly as her gaze dropped to the ground at her feet. “You’re probably right.” she whispered. “But I love him. I’ve loved him for… forever. From the first time I saw him, all I wanted was to be with him. All I wanted was to grow up and marry him. To live happily ever after… with him.” She chewed at her lip as she realized she was rambling on, wondering for a second why she was telling Ronin this. But he stood there quietly with an eyebrow raised and waited for her to continue. “And then, Melanie came along. And now he doesn’t want me anymore. He just pushes me to the side. I’m not sure how to deal with that. It hurts. It hurts to see them so happy together.”

  Ronin studied her face thoughtfully. “You want me to kick him out?” he asked.

  “What? No,” she shook her head. “No, no. Don’t do that. He’ll be more fun than me to have around anyway. I, um… I think I’ll just walk home.”

  Ronin glanced back to the house, watching the revelry through his wide kitchen window. He turned back to Devin after a moment, his brows knitted in a frown. “Stay here a sec,” he said, and climbed the steps to his house.

  Devin felt a momentary relief as he went back inside. She wasn’t worth this much concern. Ronin was… well, he was Ronin. She was nobody—nobody who mattered anyway. She took a few steps back, standing on her tip-toes trying to look through the window again to see what he was doing. Maybe he was grabbing his keys to give her a ride home? Or was he finding Amy and Joanie to take her? She hoped he wasn’t going to spoil their fun.

  Then she saw him in the doorway between the kitchen and living room. He was talking to Jake and pointing to the front door. Devin watched open-mouthed as the Ronin towered over Jake. Standing face-to-face, Jake seemed diminished in comparison to Ronin’s solid height. Jake… who had always looked so perfect to her, not too big and not too small. Just the right height and build.

  Oddly now, though, Jake looked a little, well… wimpy. Young.

  Ronin was glaring at Jake. He pointed at Melanie and motioned again towards the door with his thumb. Jake looked rather stunned, opening and closing his mouth in a blubbering fishy motion. He said something to Ronin, and Ronin pulled up to his full height, puffing out his chest slightly. Jake immediately closed his mouth. Melanie began pulling Jake out of the kitchen towards the living room. A moment or two later, Devin heard the front door slam, pickup doors bang, and the familiar sound of Jake’s truck as he drove away with an obnoxiously loud rat-a-tatting roar of his engine.

  The kitchen door opened, and Ronin stepped out to the steps. “All clear. Now let’s get you good and hammered!” His perfect grin flashed white in the faint light.

  He seemed quite proud of himself, and, in spite of the drama that just unfolded and the lingering tears in her eyes, Devin smiled back at him. Then sh
e followed him back inside.

  Chapter 2 – An Ending and a Beginning

  There was a time when Devin would have done just about anything for Jake. She had been the new kid in school, moving to live with her dad after years with her mom. Since her folks got divorced when she was a kid, it seemed like her brother and Devin traded places from time to time. He lived with their dad, Devin lived with their mom. Then Devin lived with their dad, he lived with their mom.

  Jake caught her attention the first day of school, sitting right beside her in math. Devin had moved from a place so small that most of the guys were like brothers; guys Devin had known since she was a little kid, and there was just too much history. She’d never really been able to see them as someone other than the little jerks that used to tie her braids to her chair or chase her with grasshoppers. No love lost there.

  Now, she was in a new place, ready to start her sophomore year. She was starting a new life and had the perfect chance to reinvent herself. A chance to be whomever she wanted to be. She was ready to be cool, calm, and collected. She had new clothes, a new haircut, and an after-school job that would provide money to blow. Devin was playing the role of a sophisticated teenager who had it all together.

  Then, in walked Jake with a group of his friends—confident, good-looking, and he flashed her a smile. Mind you, Devin didn’t see herself as anything special, far from the fashion plates she’d seen parading around the halls. Sort of mousy, brown hair and a round face, nondescript grayish-green eyes. No high cheekbones, and her butt was a little bigger than she would have liked. Therefore, her first thought was that he was just being nice. Over the following days, they’d chat a little during class, and Devin quickly started developing a pretty serious crush. He was funny and self-assured. He was… perfect.

  She finally worked up the nerve to slip him a note, asking him to ‘go out’ with her. Juvenile. So very juvenile, but she was also so very young. Her life up to that point had been rather sheltered, living far out in the country where distance from the rowdy town kids had inevitably kept her more innocent and naive. Devin wasn’t even sure what ‘going out’ really meant, since she had never even actually had a real and true boyfriend before. To her surprise and delight, Jake responded with a smile and a ‘yes.’ The months progressed and they grew closer, officially becoming boyfriend and girlfriend when he gave her his class ring and a little carnation from the cheerleaders’ Valentine’s Day fundraiser.